


Rolling Stones

by cptsdstars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Childhood Trauma, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Past Child Abuse, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 07:04:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14327151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptsdstars/pseuds/cptsdstars
Summary: Starting at the beginning of their 6th year (1976) this story follows the trauma, love, and unaviodable tragedy of the children who shaped the future





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m just showing you guys how kids with PTSD actually act so pay attention.

_July 1975_

It's pouring by the time he reaches the Potter's house. His blood, his tears, his sweat is all running together and off his tired body. He can't bring himself to knock at the door, so he stands there, tears starting to swell back up into his eyes. 

He's safe, he thinks, staring at the wooden door. All he has to do is knock, the Potters are good people. James said if he ever needed a place to stay, if he was ever in trouble all he has to do is--

"Knock god damn it," Sirius mutters to himself. 

He lifts his arm to reach for the door and pain shoots through his side. Images flash of his mother shoving him down the stairs, kicking him. Sirius shuts his eyes and knocks as loud as he can muster. 

He waits, it's late. He probably woke them up, they are very old, he should just go back home, beg for forgiveness, he won't get to eat for a while but at least he won't be a bother and--

"Sirius?" 

Sirius looks up, he didn't notice the door had opened. Standing in front of him was the nightgown clad Mrs. Potter, a worried look on her face. 

Sirius starts to cry, he can't stop himself, "please help me" he whispers and Mrs. Potter pulls him inside. 

~ 

"He doesn't have anything! He has to stay here! Where would he go!" 

James is so loud. Sirius woke this morning to James downstairs yelling at his parents. Presumably about him, what else could it be about. 

But if he shouldn't be here he wants to know. So he grabbed his little stuffed toy dog and snuck halfway down the stairs so he could hear the whole conversation, it wasn't going too well.

Mr. Potter's strong and stern voice carried better than James', "We would like nothing more than for him to stay here, James, but he simply can't. We have your cousin coming in a few days we need the guest room--"

"She's in the exact same situation as he is! How is that fair! He needs us, he needs me. He has to stay here." James lowers his voice, "Please, Father, I'll do anything."

There's silence then, guilt shoots through Sirius, he stands up to go pack up his bag when Mrs. Potter's voice catches his ear.

"He has to share your room."

"Is that all?" James says, disbelievingly.

"Yes." His mother says. "You’re right. He needs us." 

"Thank you thank you thank you" James cries, hopefully hugging his parents tightly. Sirius starts to tear up. 

He makes his way back to the guest bedroom. He'll feel guilty when he's rested more. Right now he needs to go back to sleep before he passes out. 

He's barely back in the bed before he hears the door creak open. He doesn't move, pretends to still be asleep. Whoever it is walks in and shuts the door behind them. 

"I know you're awake, Padfoot." James' voice is soft, comforting. 

Sirius doesn't move, he doesn't say anything, he's not sure he really can. 

"I also know you heard all that so you can stop faking." 

Sirius rolls over so he can see James, "Oh!" He says softly, "Prongs I didn't know you lived here."

James smiles, "Move the fuck over I'm coming to cuddle."

Sirius doesn't argue, just pulls the covers back so James, still in his pjs, can lay down next to him in the guest bed.

It's quiet for a few minutes. The boys just calmly laying next to each other in the morning light. Sirius closes his eyes and starts to drift off. 

"So--" James says and it makes Sirius jump back awake, "Oop- sorry Pads,"

Sirius blinks, pushes back the adrenaline, "S'fine, whadda want" 

"Do you wanna talk about what happened?"

Sirius groans and rolls over on to his back, long hair tangling in front of his face, "Do I have to?"

"Nah, I'll just tell everyone you went head to head with my 6 year old neighbor and she broke three of your ribs and your nose"

"She was a right bitch." 

James laughs, "Oh and don't forget all the cuts, bruises, and that weird bite on your leg"

"The bite wasn't from my mum if that's what you're asking. I got into a fight with another dog." Sirius closes his eyes again, Merlin, is that really everything that happened to him.

"You're gonna have to tell me eventually." James says, matter-of-factly. 

Sirius sits up, hurts himself in the process but glares at James nonetheless, "You know what James, I don't think I have to tell you what happened. She hit me, I ran away, I'm here now. Drop it." 

James sits up too, gently pushes some of Sirius' hair out of his eyes, "You're right, I'm sorry, I don't need details. You're here now it's okay."

Sirius' resolve crumbles, James is so nice to him, he took him in he fought for him to stay and he just goes and snaps at him. Sirius starts to cry again, "I'm sorry--"

"Woah woah, it's okay I'm not mad. C'mon get up, we'll move your stuff in to my room and you can go back to sleep it's okay it's okay. You're okay Sirius."

Sirius sniffles, wipes away his tears with a fist, and gets out of bed to grab his bag. 

James gets up too, waits by the door and watches Sirius pack what little belongings he brought along. All he has to his name are a few clothes, his worn down stuffed pup he's never been without, a couple of books, a couple of pictures, his wand and a pack of cigarettes James pretends he didn't see. 

"Who's this cousin anyway? Is she hot?" Sirius asks jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

James opens the door, "First of all gross, second of all her name's Marlene, she's our age, she's from America, and she wants nothing to do with you."

"Ahhh, you can't speak for her Prongs, American girls love me."

"You've never met one"

"So how could they hate me" 

James gently pushes him away, "Listen to me, you can't get hot for my cousin. You're sharing a bed with me for the next few weeks." 

Sirius looks at James and wiggles his eyebrows and James gently pushes him into his room with a laugh. 

It's familiar, posters of quidditch players cover the walls, theres a big bright window next to a big bright bed, on the other end of the room sat a muggle record player, a gift one year from Remus who insisted James and Sirius listen to muggle rock. It's happy, it's safe, Sirius feels some of the stress leave his tired shoulders. 

James takes the bag out of his arms, "You can go back to sleep now." 

"Thanks." Sirius mutters, crawling into James' bed as James starts unpacking his bag for him. 

"What did you mean she's in the same situation as me?" Sirius asks with a yawn.

"Huh?" James says, looking up from his dresser.

Sirius curls up and closes his eyes, "Marlene." He mutters. 

James smiles, "I'll tell you later."

"Mm'kay" Sirius mutters, drifting off to sleep. 

~

"I don't understand why I have to fucking be here!"

"Marlene McKinnon you watch your language!" 

Sirius looks at James with wide eyes and giant suprised smile from their perch at the top of the Potters' staircase where they can eavesdrop without being seen. Marlene and her father had arrived 15 minutes ago and James and Sirius had been promptly sent away so the adults could talk. 

"I don't want to go to this stupid school what gives you the right to make me"

A man's voice, definitely not American like Marlene's replies, "I can make you because I am your father."

Marlene scoffs, "Yeah ok you leave for eight years and come back and suddenly you're my father again? Fuck you."

"I like her" Sirius whispers. 

Marlene continues, voice getting louder, "Why can't I stay home with Matthew! You're not making him go back to school!"

"Sweetheart," Mrs. Potter pipes up, "Your brother is too old, you have two years left of schooling you can finish. You're behind."

"And Max and Maggie and Mallory?"

"Too young." Marlene's father replies. 

Marlene sighs, "How is this allowed."

"We pulled some strings because we care about you, Marlene." Mr. Potter says, "What you've been through, you deserve a second chance. James will help you get acclimated he loves you."

"Haven't seen him for eight years either." she snaps, directing it at her father. 

Her father sighs "You are a smart girl Marlene, you will flourish at Hogwarts--" 

Marlene makes a gagging noise, James and Sirius erupt into silent laughter. 

"Go ahead and set your things in the guest room, dear," Mrs. Potter says, "James is listening so he'll show you around"

James' eyes widen behind his glasses, "HEY" he shouts in response. 

"Thank you for being so kind to me." Marlene says to James' parents before she makes her way to the staircase. Before she reaches the steps she turns around and looks at her father, "Matthew will write me every single week and if you so much as make my little siblings shed a single tear I will end you." 

"I love you my daughter." Marlene's father says bitterly before Marlene turns to walk up the stairs towards James and Sirius. 

As soon as she sees them sitting there she smiles and runs faster up the stairs to hug James. She nearly knocks him over with the force of it, James laughs. 

"Hey Marnie! Long time no see!"

Marlene lets go and gives James a good look, "I like the glasses." 

James gently grabs a strand of her hair, "I like the blonde?" 

Marlene beams, "Thank you!" She then turns to Sirius, Long blonde hair falling around her shoulders, "Marlene McKinnon" she says, holding out her hand. 

Sirius takes her hand and kisses it with a smirk, "Sirius Black."

"Yuck." she replies, taking her hand back and picking up her bag, "So where to, Jimmy?"

James' cheeks turn bright red, "Oh no you're not--" 

"JIMMY!" Sirius claps his hands together and starts roaring with laughter, "Why didn't that EVER occur to me! Oh my GOD." 

Marlene smiles, "Yeah we all used to call him Jimmy? Not anymore?"

"Nooooo" James moans, sliding down the wall and sitting with his hands over his face. 

"Jimmy Potter!" Sirius laughs, "How AWFUL."

James looks up from where he's curled up on the floor, "You've been here a half hour and you've ruined my life, Marlene" 

"It's what I do." she smiles. 

~ 

He dreams about her again. 

He's standing in the Potter's living room, James reading a book on the couch behind him when there's a knock at the door. Sirius makes his way to the door but it's slow. He feels like he's moving through syrup. 

When he reaches for the door knob it's hot, he doesn't care, just wraps his hand around it and twists. The door swings open and standing there is mother. Wicked grin on her face, wand in hand. Sirius' heart starts to race. He tries to scream he tries to run he tries to move he can't. 

"Blood Traitor!" She screams and her hand reaches up to grab Sirius--

He wakes up screaming, gasping for air. Sitting straight up he looks around the dark room. He's in James' room. James is passed out next to him, arms above his head, mouth hanging open, he's snoring. 

Sirius shuts his eyes and clenches his fists. It was just a dream. She's not here. 

He tries to slow his breathing, tries to do what James told him. In, hold for a while, out. It doesn't help, he needs a drink.

He climbs out of bed, his legs kind of wobble for a moment, and then he continues on down the stairs towards the Potters' kitchen. There's a light already on in the kitchen, Sirius wonders why, it's 3am, no one should be awake yet. 

He walks in and looks around. Sitting at the table white-knuckling a coffee mug sits Marlene, hair tangled up into a messy bun. Sirius watches her for a moment, she's not asleep. She's shaking. 

He clears his throat, trying not to scare her but it doesn't work, she jumps anyway, looking at Sirius with wide, surprised, brown eyes. They look like James' eyes. 

"What are you doing?" Sirius asks quietly, not moving from where he's stood in the doorway. 

"Drinking tea." She answers like it's the most obvious answer in the world. 

Sirius rolls his eyes and makes his way to the sink to get a glass of water. 

"What are you doing?" Marlene asks while he's filling up his cup. 

Sirius turns around to look at her and takes a drink of water, "Drinking water."

Marlene doesn't smile, she lets her head fall and looks back into her tea. 

"Can I join you?" Sirius asks. 

"I don't care, man." Marlene sighs without looking up at him. 

They sit there in silence for a while. Marlene just watching her tea, Sirius just watching Marlene carefully. He never did find out from James why she's here, why she's suddenly accepted to Hogwarts.

"Do you want to talk about something?" Marlene says, and Sirius realizes she's been watching him stare at her, he blushes a little. 

"What are you doing awake so early? Not to knock the early bird, but it's way too early."

Marlene sighs again, she does that a lot, "I had a nightmare."

"Me too."

Marlene tilts her head a little, "'bout what?"

"Listen, sweetheart, you're cool and all but we're not that close" 

Marlene frowns, "You know I thought we were getting somewhere but you just called me sweetheart, which I don't like, so you can fuck off back to bed." 

"Harsh, to be honest." Sirius says. 

Marlene looks at him expectantly, "Well?"

"Nah, I'm not leaving yet I have to finish my water."

Marlene doesn't sigh that time like he expected, she just looks back down into her tea again. 

Great, Sirius pissed her off. James is gonna wake up in the morning and be mad at Sirius because Marlene is mad at him. He's gotta save it. 

Sirius taps the table with his fingers, "So uh..." Marlene looks up, she looks exhausted, "Why are you suddenly here? Why did you get dropped off?"

Marlene smiles, "Sorry, sweetheart, we're not that close." She stands up and dumps her tea in the sink and walks out of the kitchen. Leaving Sirius kicking himself at the kitchen table. 

"She didn't even drink any of her tea." he mutters to the empty room.


	2. Chapter 2

_September 1975_

"Has anyone seen Evans!?" 

"James really, its fine I'm sure I'll see her at some point." 

James turns around, shuts the sliding compartment door, and lets his jaw hang wide open as he stares at his cousin, she giggles. 

"How DARE you Marlene!" He gasps, "SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!"

"I dunno buddy," she says, bringing her hand up to push his jaw shut, "Sirius told me she hates you."

"Well not anymore!" James whines. 

"What makes you say that?" 

James turns around and comes face to face with Mary MacDonald, crossing her arms and smiling at James, "Mary!" He beams, pushing Marlene to his front "This is my cousin Marlene!" 

Marlene waves, "He likes to show me off cause I have a funny accent" 

"Woah you do! Why?" Mary looks at Marlene and Marlene shrugs.

“I mean it probably has something to do with the fact I’m from Illinois.” 

Mary laughs, “I meant why are you coming to Hogwarts. I didn’t know we accepted Americans let alone students as old as you.”

“That's a great question which I don’t have the answer to right now," James interrupts, "But I have a better question for you! Actually two..."

Mary rolls her eyes, "shoot"

"Number one, I like the new hair--"

Mary smiles, fluffs up her curls a little more, "That's not a question, but thank you.”

"And where's Evans?"

"There it is," Mary says, "Next car, first compartment."

James grabs her hands and looks at her very seriously, "You're an angel sent from heaven above." 

"Yeah whatever, try not to piss her off." 

James grabs Marlene's hand and pulls her past more people until they reach the spot that Mary told them about. James swings open the door and shoves Marlene inside first. He stays behind her as he shuts the door behind him and then peeks out from behind Marlene to look at Lily. 

"Hi Evans!" He says, blushing a little. 

Lily blinks, green eyes wide with surprise. 

"This is new." Alice says, oppoiste a silent Lily, "New girlfriend?"

James stands up suddenly, "What? No, I wanted to introduce you to my cousin." He turns to Marlene, "Why does everyone assume we're dating?"

Marlene smiles, "I look like a slut I can't help who I am."

"Oh," Lily says finally, "you're American?"

Marlene sighs, "Yeah... I feel like I'm gonna be hearing that a lot this week." 

Lily smiles at Marlene, "Alright Potter, you've caught my interest, come sit down and explain." 

James sits down next to Lily, heart fluttering a little, and motions for Marlene to sit down across from him next to Alice. She does and she looks a little scared. James reassuringly smiles at her. 

"Actually, Evans, it's not my place to say anything really. She just moved from America and she's staying with us now. And she still has to go to school, obviously, so my Dad pulled some strings with Dumbledore and now she's in Gryffindor with us."

Lily looks over at Marlene, "That's a lot to unpack."

"Actually I didn't bring that much stuff with me." Marlene smiles and Lily laughs a little. James' heart skips a beat, he forces himself to swallow it down. He promised himself he wasn't going to push her this year, he doesn't want to lose what friendship? Acquaintanceship? Tolerance? He has with her right now. So he's got to relax. 

"I wanted to ask if you would show her around for me, Evans?" James says.

Lily looks at him, "Why me?" Then she turns to Marlene with wide eyes, "Not that I don't like you! I promise it's just, why me?"

"Well," James says, "Aren't you a prefect this year? Isn't that your job?"

"Yes but-"

"And Remus can't do it, he's a boy! He can't get her in to the girls dormitory."

"Yes but-"

"--Or the bathrooms, believe me we tried."

Lily sighs, "Alright Marlene I guess you're my new shadow, huh."

"I promise I'm not as annoying as my cousin." Marlene says with a wink at James. 

"I'm counting on it." Lily says.

~ 

The first few weeks at Hogwarts are always rough for everybody. Getting back in the school year swing of getting up earlier, falling asleep faster, doing homework, studying, it's always a challenge and everyone's usually exhausted. 

But James Potter was borderline dying. 

Sirius was still shaken up by whatever happened at home with his mother so he would wake James up in the middle of the night to crawl into bed with him. Those beds are not big and Sirius does not fit. But James knows if he tells Sirius no he'll start to panic and wake Remus and Peter up and those two need the sleep more than James does. 

So he sleeps with Sirius. Rather, Sirius sleeps with him and he lays awake with his arm numb because Sirius is laying on him and he's too uncomfortable to sleep but if he moves Sirius will cry so he'll stare at the ceiling and wonder what the hell happened to him to hurt him this much. 

But on the rare occasion that Sirius does not wake up, or if he does he goes to Remus' bed instead, James is woken up by Lily begging for his help because Marlene won't stop crying and she doesn't know why. 

And then he'll sit awake in the common room with Marlene asleep in his arms and Lily asleep in the chair next to them and his leg is asleep because Marlene is laying on it but he doesn't want to move because then he'll wake both Marlene and Lily up and he loves them both too much to do that so he sits and stares at the fire wondering how his aunt could hurt Marlene so much. 

"They're the same person." Remus says one day in potions. "You're just dealing with two Sirius Blacks and you can't say no because you're too nice for your own good." 

James blinks slowly, "They'll get better with time."

"Time doesn't heal everything," Remus says solemnly, and James looks in his tired eyes. 

And then it's the full moon. And James does not sleep for two whole days. 

He's standing outside McGonagall's office talking to Peter about this weekend's qudditch practice when he collapses. He wakes up in the hospital wing to Frank telling him he can't come to practice until he starts sleeping better. 

Peter comes to visit after, telling him animatedly about what went down after he passed out and how he heroically screamed for McGonagall to come help. James thanks him with a laugh. 

Sirius and Lily are next, talking to him about what he's missed while he was asleep. Sirius apologizes because he thinks it's his fault, which it kind of is, but James doesn't tell him that. Lily apologizes because she thinks it's her fault. It's not her fault either. 

Marlene doesn't stop by. Lily tells him it's because she's not feeling well and she skipped defense too. James tells Sirius to go check on her and he refuses. Lily says she will. James tells her not to and makes her stay longer than Sirius. 

"Marlene and Sirius need to talk."

Lily looks at him as he sits up in the bed, "Is he the reason she's upset?"

"No but they're upset for the same reason and could probably talk it out and feel better." 

Lily is quiet for a moment, thinking, "Marlene's mom abused her?"

James blinks, "How did you find out."

"James you just told me."

"No! I wouldn't ever!"

"You told me she and Sirius are upset for the same reason. I'm not daft I know Sirius ran away from home."

James stares at her baffled. 

"He's my friend too?" Lily says. 

"Is he??" 

"How are you such an idiot?" Lily says laughing and James' stomach does backflips. 

"I've been asking myself that since I've been in here." James says. 

Lily sighs, "You can't keep hurting yourself to keep other people safe, James."

"Who says I fainted because I was protecting someone?"

She looks at him, her green eyes convey an emotion James hasn't ever seen before. It scares him a little. The idea that she knows something she shouldn't. 

"Get some sleep Potter. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Alright, Evans."

~

“You seriously still haven’t been sleeping well?” 

James looks over at Lily who’s standing in the stairs leading to the girl’s dorms, she’s looking at him worriedly as he sits tucked up on the couch. 

“It’s not that late” James says, looking back at the fire. 

Lily walks over to him and kneels in front of the couch, forcing James to look at her, “It’s very late.”

“Then why are you awake?” 

Lily blinks her beautiful green eyes up at him, “Homework.”

James pulls the blanket off his legs and pats the spot on the couch next to him, “You’re really bad at lying, Lily. Did you know?” 

Lily sighs, looks from James to where he’s offering her a spot on the couch and back. She sits down and James covers her legs and his with the blanket. 

Lily starts to pick under her nails, “I was reading the Prophet. It stressed me out. I’m not really tired anymore.”

James looks at her in the soft firelight, she’s beautiful, her messy hair, her tired eyes, and her tiny nervous ticks. James is honestly floored she’s even sitting next to him. She must be exhausted. 

“What about you?” Lily says, pulling James out of his thoughts. 

“I heard Sirius wake up. He crawled into Remus’ bed but I could hear him crying and Remus trying to comfort him. Stressed me out.” He smiles at Lily, she doesn’t smile back. 

She looks at him and he looks back, quietly studying one another in the soft light. James idly wonders if he could touch her, comfort her. His hands ache with how much he wants to pull her close, tell her everything will be alright. But he can’t. So he pushes the feeling down and watches her watch him. 

“Have you seen Severus lately?” She asks quietly, breaking the tense silence. 

James blinks, that was out of nowhere, “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen his greasy face anywhere near us this year.” 

“Potter.”

“Sorry. I haven’t seen him, or talked to him, which is weird right? Usually he’s up our arses.” 

Lily sighs, “He’s joined the death eaters.”

James wants to be surprised, shocked even, just to humor Lily, but after what happened last year, he’s not. 

“Lily,” he says instead, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Of course it’s not. It’s natural progression. He calls me a mudblood, he gets in good with Hogwarts’ own terroist gang.” She’s talking very fast, her voice starts to break. 

James shushes her, pushes her hair out of her eyes. She looks up at him, her green eyes shining with tears.

“Gosh, James, you have to go to sleep.” She says through tears. 

“I’m okay, Evans,” he smiles, “I can comfort you first, you need it.”

“Absolutely not.” Lily says, gently pulling off his glasses and setting them on the table in front of the couch, “Go to sleep.”

“Only if you stay here.” James mutters. 

Lily freezes. James kicks himself, he crossed the line he said he wouldn’t, made her uncomfortable, she’s never gonna trust him this much again. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “you don’t have to, go back to bed Lily.” He turns away from Lily and leans his head against the edge of the couch and closes his eyes.

Suddenly he feels Lily move. She doesn’t get up, she leans over and rests her head on James’ chest. James opens his eyes to look at her. 

“You’re never telling anyone about this ever, got it?” Lily whispers. 

“Got it.” James says. Heart in his throat.


	3. Chapter 3

“FUCK OFF”

“James stop! It’s not that big of a deal!”

Sirius shoves another fork full of eggs into his mouth and watches James stand up to intimidate Frank Longbottom.

“Frank you listen to me, it is a big deal I am your CAPTAIN. And I am telling you I’m FINE. I’m playing today or we’re gonna forfit and lose the very first game of the year.” 

“The whole team is worried about you!” Frank stands his ground.

“Do I look like someone who needs to be worried about?”

Next to Sirius, Remus inhales to say something. Sirius sets his hand on Remus’ thigh and shakes his head. 

“You’re making a scene, James.” Frank says. 

“YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I AM!” James yells as more people in the great hall look up over their breakfasts. 

Frank throws his hands up in the air, “Fine! You can play! But if you die I get to be captain.” 

“That’s fair,” Peter pipes up, and James turns around to glare at him. 

“So James is dying today, boys,” Sirius says as James flops back down into his seat, “I say we start dividing up his things. I’m going to take all of his money, Peter, you can have his clothes, Remus, you can have Lily, you need a good woman in your life.”

Remus sighs, “Don’t say that, Lily will kill you.” 

“Then we start dividing up my stuff too!”

Peter pats James on the back, “I think you did the right thing, Prongs.” 

James is still fuming, not touching his breakfast, “I can’t fucking believe it. My whole team wants me to miss the first game of the year.”

“I mean,” Remus says, “You have only slept a total of two days since the school year started.” 

“Okay but I’m fine!” James snaps, “I’m not tired at all!”

Remus shrugs and shoves a piece of toast in his mouth, “Whatver you say, Prongs.”

James pushes his breakfast away, “Oh so now my best friends are turning against me too!”

Sirius points his fork at James, “I didn’t say shit, dude.” 

“I can’t believe you guys. If I die today you’re gonna be sorry you pissed me off first.” James stands up and walks away. 

“We love you too, Jimmy!” Sirius shouts after him. 

“He’s not gonna die today, right?” Peter whispers. 

Remus takes a drink of water, “Probably not.” 

“That’s not very reassuring.” Peter mutters. 

“Okay so who pissed off Potter?” Mary says, sitting down next to Peter, Lily and Marlene right behind her.

“Who hasn’t pissed him off?” Lily laughs. 

“He’s mad because everyone keeps telling him he’s too sleep deprived to play quidditch this afternoon.” Remus says. 

“He is.” Lily states. 

“Which is why he’s gonna die,” Sirius pipes up, “We’re making his will, who wants what.”

Marlene steals a piece of bacon off of Sirius’ plate, “I want his records.”

“Alright, Marlene,” Remus laughs, “I gave those to him so if anyone would get them it would be me.”

“That’s not how that works!” Mary argues.

“You can have his Elvis records.” Marlene says. 

“No one likes Elvis anymore,” Sirius scoffs, “No deal Moony! Don’t take it! 

“I call his Rolling Stones!” Lily shouts quickly, everyone groans in reply. 

“She does not, that’s unfair.” Mary says. 

“We can’t just leave her out though,” Remus laughs, “James will come back from the dead and punch us out.”

“James is dead?” Alice squeaks, walking up to the table, late to the conversation.

“We can only hope.” Lily mutters. 

~ 

James doesn’t die, thankfully. 

He came close, his reflexes slow he took a bludger to the forehead about halfway through the game and was forced to sit out for the last half. 

But, Gryffindor did win. Which means the entire house was one giant party. 

Someone had music blaring, another person had brought dozens of bottles of alcohol from somewhere. James, Remus, and Sirius had practically polished off an entire bottle of fire whiskey by themselves. Peter once again voulenteering to be the sober friend and failing miserably when Emmeline Vance handed him a drink and started flirting. 

Everyone was having fun, Remus and Lily spun in circles in the middle of the room to the music, James had snuck off into a corner somewhere with 7th year Cecilia Basset. And Sirius? Sirius ran around with a quill and some ink drawing vulgar things on people who had passed out. 

“You’re such a dick.” Marlene laughs as Sirius draws a mustache on the ravenclaw who had passed out while trying to make out with Marlene. 

“I just rescued you!” Sirius whines, “He’s a loser you don’t want to kiss him anyway.”

“I wasn’t going to!” Marlene laughs again.

“Whatever, you wanted to.” Sirius smiles. 

Marlene stands up, grabs Sirius’ hand and pulls him out of the common room and into the dark Hogwarts hallway. 

Sirius follows without arguing. Marlene leads him through the dark towards one of the big windows. Sirius’ heart is racing. 

She pulls back the curtain and the moonlight spills out and illuminates her long hair. Sirius stops breathing for a moment, she’s beautiful. 

Marlene gestures for him to climb onto the ledge behind the curtain. He does and she’s not very far behind. She sits across from him crisscross and pulls the curtain shut. 

“So—“ Sirius says, and Marlene shushes him. 

She leans forward, her hand pressing against his chest. Sirius’ breathing hitches. Marlene runs her hand down his shirt slowly as she moves her face closer to his neck. Her lips barely brush his skin and her breath is hot against it. Sirius’ heart is racing, he doesn’t move. 

She doesn’t kiss him, just moves her hands lower and lower as she brushes her lips gently up his neck and to his chin. Her hands reach his pants and she gently pushes her fingers into the front pockets. She moves her lips up to his ear and kisses his lobe gently. Sirius shakes with how much he wants to touch her. 

Suddenly she pulls something out of his pocket and nips his ear gently. 

“Ow!” Sirius exclaims as she pulls away and sits back down with a grin. 

She waves a pack of cigarettes in front of his face, “What are these!” She laughs.

“Those are mine!” Sirius whines, “Give em back I had to steal those!”

“Ooh” Marlene raises an eyebrow, “You’re a bad boy.” 

“Give them baaack!” Sirius whines again, halfheartedly reaching for the box. 

Marlene smiles and pulls them away from his hands. She opens the box and takes out two cigarettes, offers one of them to Sirius who takes it and sticks it in his mouth before holding out his hands. 

“Give them back or I won’t light yours.” Sirius says through his half closed mouth. 

Marlene hands him the box and sticks the cigarette in her mouth with a giggle. 

Sirius decides he’s going to be a show off, he cracks the window open a little bit and then snaps his fingers and produces a small flame. Marlene’s eyes widen as he brings it up to her cigarette. He lights hers and then his and then shakes his hand to put out the flame. 

“How did you learn to do that!” Marlene says excitedly, “They obviously didn’t teach you that here.”

“Taught myself,” Sirius says, blowing smoke towards the crack in the window. 

“That’s incredible, Sirius.” Marlene says, taking another drag, “I don’t know anyone who can do magic like that.”

“I try.” Sirius smiles. 

They sit in silence for a while, smoking and looking out into the moonlit dark. Marlene studies the outside, looks at the forest and the castle and strains her eyes to try and see Hogsmeade. 

Sirius studies her. Her long blonde hair has grown a little more since he met her and he can see her dark roots. It’s the same color as James’ hair. Her skin glows in the moonlight and her usually tired eyes shine as they scan the dark for something interesting. She’s incredible, Sirius realizes before finding himself wishing for her to kiss him again. 

She turns her head away from the window and realizes Sirius is watching her. She doesn’t say anything just looks at him too, maybe she smiles a little bit to hide her blush. 

“Are you okay, Sirius?” She says, breaking the silence.

Sirius blinks, “Of course I am. This is actually... this is the happiest I’ve been in a while.” He says surprisingly truthfully. 

“Me too.” She sighs happily, looking back out at the window. 

“Why are you here?” Sirius asks.

“With you?” Marlene raises an eyebrow.

“No, I mean—“

“Hogwarts.”

“Yeah.” Sirius whispers, tapping some ash off his cigarette. 

“Why are you?” Marlene smiles, it’s an empty one. 

“Marlene.” Sirius says quietly. 

“You can’t tell anyone.” Marlene sighs. 

“I solemnly swear.” Sirius says, grabbing her hand.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so this is where the uh “heavy descriptions of child abuse” go so if that kind of thing is gonna hurt you feel free to skip this chapter! Thanks!

_January 1975, Chicago, Illinois_

“Matt please! It’s almost my birthday!”

“Which means you’re getting a birthday present from me and I don’t need to buy you candy right now.”

Marlene smiles up at her brother and picks up her 5-year old sister Mallory, “Well the candy’s not for me it’s for Mallory!”

Matthew rolls his eyes, “Nice try. If I give her some taffy she’s losing all of her teeth.” 

“Fine.” Marlene says putting Mallory back down, “I’ll just ask a random stranger for money.”

“Marnie—“ 

“Gosh! I hope they won’t stab me!”

“Drop it, Marlene.”

Marlene frowns and grabs Mallory’s hand, “I’m gonna go wait outside.” 

“You do that.” 

The bell on the door to the convience store dings as Marlene opens the door and is met with the cold winter air biting at her cheeks. She picks Mallory up and makes her way to a window ledge of a nearby building to sit and wait. 

Marlene watches the cars go down the narrow street, kicking up snowy slush. There’s barely anyone out today. Windchill too cold to enjoy waking around uptown. 

She wraps Mallory up tighter in her too big coat while they wait for Matthew and Maggie to finish paying for her mother’s cigarettes. 

“It’s cold.” Mallory says.

“I know bunny,” Marlene says, wrapping her scarf around her sister’s cheeks, “So stop squirming so you don’t get cold” 

“Are we going home?” Mallory says, muffled by the layer of fabric over her face.

“I think so. We don’t have anything else to do today.” Marlene says, sliding over closer to the wall to hide a bit from the wind.

“I don’t want to.” Mallory pouts and Marlene’s heart breaks a little bit. 

The bell to the store dings again and Matthew walks out holding their nine year-old sister Maggie’s hand and a small brown paper bag. 

“Ready to go, girls?” Matthew smiles, he looks tired. 

On the train home the younger girls fall asleep, the clacking of the tracks a sort of lullaby they don’t really get at home. Marlene sits between them, their heads resting on her thighs. 

“What else is in the bag?” Marlene says without looking at her brother. 

“Cigarettes. I told you.” Matthew snaps.

Marlene looks at him, “Yeah, don’t play dumb with me.” She makes a grab for the bag and Matthew pulls it away. The bag makes a metallic clinking noise and Marlene frowns.

“What’s so illegal about quarters?” Matthew says grumpily. 

“Nothing. I just want to know who the fuck you’re talking to so much that you need that many for the pay phone. How far away does she live? China?”

“Watch your language, Marnie.” 

They sit in silence the rest of the train ride home. Quietly yet obviously fuming at one another while a man at the other end of the train car plays a blues song on his guitar for spare change. 

At their stop they grab their tired siblings and walk into a run down looking neighborhood. Past snow covered trees and fences housing barking dogs and crying kids, the four of them trudge through the road up to their small one-story house. They’re barely up the driveway when something shatters inside. Marlene stops. 

“Matthew.” She whispers. 

Matthew turns back towards her, “Marnie... we have to go inside. It’s freezing out here. Besides, that’s Eddie’s car she’s probably just mad at him.” 

Marlene looks at him, looks at Maggie who’s shaking from either the cold or fear she can’t tell. 

“It’ll be okay.” Matthew says. Marlene believes him. 

When they walk inside their mother is sitting at the kitchen table while Eddie, her boyfriend, makes some coffee behind her. Her arms are crossed, a mug is shattered on the floor. 

“Hi Daddy.” Mallory says from her spot in Marlene’s arms. 

“Hi Bunny,” Eddie smiles, “Can you go play in your room? Mommy’s gotta talk to your siblings.”

Marlene sets Mallory down, who walks away quickly down the hallway without even a second look back at her siblings. 

“So...” Marlene’s mother says, the chill in her voice colder than the wind howling outside, “Would any of you like to tell me why the cops showed up this afternoon?”

“Maybe they were looking for your gang-affiliated boyfriend?” Marlene snaps, regretting it as soon as she said it. 

Her mother doesn’t do anything, just looks up from the table at her children, “They actually came asking about you. Wondering how I treated you and all that.”

Marlene’s feet go cold, out of the corner of her eye she can see Matthew’s jaw clench. Maggie hasn’t stopped shaking. 

“Now, I know Maggie didn’t tell them shit cause she’s a fucking mute. So my dear sweet oldest children, which one of you thinks I’m not an adequate parent?” 

Marlene says nothing. Matthew doesn’t move. 

“Well?”

“Here’s your smokes, ma’am” Matthew says tossing the pack of cigarettes on the table in front of her. 

“I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!” She stands, table rattling where she hit it. “Do I not feed you? Do I not work my ass off to give you clothing? Do you live under my roof!?”

“Yes ma’am” Marlene and Matthew say at the same time. 

“SO WHO CALLED THE COPS?” She lunges for Marlene and Marlene ducks, her first reaction is to pull out her wand and shove it into the skin on her Mother’s neck. She regrets that too. 

“Woah hey now,” Eddie says, terrified from his spot in the corner, “I said we weren’t having any of that devil worship shit in this house!” 

“Marlene. Drop it.” Matthew says, Marlene can see out of the corner of her eye that his wand is in his hand too. 

“Drop it.” Marlene’s mother says through gritted teeth. 

Marlene lets go of her wand, she can hear it hit the linoleum of their kitchen floor. As soon as it does her mom rears back and backhands her face so hard Marlene falls to the floor. 

“If you ever do that again, you’re not walking out of this house.” Her mother spits. 

Marlene stays on the floor, tears start to spill out of her eyes and pool on the tile. She doesn’t make a sound. 

“God, I’m glad we pulled them out of that magic school,” Eddie says, “your kids are fucking freaks, Annie.” 

“I don’t care who called the cops.” Their mother says, ignoring her boyfriend and dropping back into the kitchen chair, “if they’re ever here again? None of you will see the light of day. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am” Matthew says it alone this time. 

“Get out of my sight.” 

Matthew hurriedly picks Marlene off the floor and carries her down the hallway to their room, Maggie close on his heels. 

Marlene wakes up in her room. Her face is throbbing, she probably has a black eye. She can hear Max babbling to himself in his bed on the other side of her room. She has no idea what time it is, but she gets up anyway and walks towards Max. He laughs when he sees her and Marlene shushes him.

“Book?” He says, and Marlene smiles. 

“Not right now, Max, it’s too dark.” 

Max nods and tucks back up into bed. Marlene softly pets his dark curls, lulling him back to sleep. She watches the snow fall softly out the window. The lights from the city making everything glow gold in the dark. It’s peaceful. Marlene is okay right then. 

Max is almost asleep when suddenly there’s a scream coming from the other end of the house. He jolts awake but Marlene covers him up and tells him to stay put before she runs to the door to listen. There’s another scream and a crash and she can hear Matthew running out of his room. Marlene throws open the door and follows him. When she reaches the kitchen she can see her mom pulling Maggie out the door by her hair. She’s screaming. 

“STOP!” Matthew says, chasing after her. Marlene isn’t far behind. 

“What are you trying to get out of eavesdropping, huh!” Her mother screams, throwing Maggie in the snow, “I BET YOU CALLED THE COPS!”

She pulls her hand back with a closed fist to hit Maggie and Matthew tackles her off and away. Marlene runs forward and grabs Maggie out of the snow, she’s in hysterics, she can barely breathe. 

Marlene can’t do anything but run, she picks up her screaming sister and runs, leaving Matthew fighting with their mom in the front yard. 

Marlene runs out into the street and starts screaming for help. She runs to dark houses and knocks, screams for someone to call the police. The lights in the houses stay off, no one’s listening. 

“Please! She’s going to kill my brother! Someone help!” Marlene wails into the empty street. The whole city is silent. 

It sounds like the wind picks up for a moment and when Marlene turns around her father is standing there with an old man she’s never met before. She backs away and holds on to Maggie tighter, tears steaming from her face.

“It’s okay,” her father says, “you’re safe now.” 

~ 

“God Marlene.” Sirius says, wiping a tear off of her face for her. She laughs.

“It was so stupid. Marlene laughs, “Fucking Albus Dumbledore came to rescue us like we’re so fucking special.” She looks down at her cigarette. It’s all ash. She flicks it out the window. 

“Well doesn’t your dad work with the minister? He’s pretty important.”

“He’s important but that doesn’t change the fact he left us with her without a single word.” Marlene laughs again, she can’t do anything else, “Matthew called him with such faith for months. He didn’t help until it was convenient for him.” 

Sirius brings his hand up again and holds Marlene’s face steady. 

“You know she hated us because of him.” Marlene leans her head into his touch, calming ever so slightly before continuing, “She hated us because we were magic like he was. We looked like him. She loathed us.”

Sirius sighs, flicks his cigarette butt out the window with his other hand, “My mom hated me too.” 

Marlene looks up at him with wide, sad eyes.

Sirius pulls his hands back to his lap, looks down at them solemnly. 

“She tried to kill me this summer.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I lied if you don’t want to read graphic child abuse stuff maybe skip this chapter too

_July 1975, London_

Sirius swears the leak in the kitchen is louder than any train or siren he’s ever heard. 

It drowns out his heartbeat it drowns out the clink of metal against his mother’s china, he wishes it would drown out the thick tension sitting in the middle of the dining room table. 

“Regulus, make sure to tell Creature to fix that leak. It’s dreadful.” His mother’s voice is deafening in his ears. 

“Yes mother.” Regulus replies without looking up from his plate. 

Sirius looks at his own plate. He’s not hungry in the least. Something’s wrong, the tension in the room could probably be felt from space. 

His mother eats without a second thought to any of it. 

“Sirius dear,” his mother sings and Sirius clenches his fists so hard his nails tear the skin on his palm.

“Yes mother?” Sirius replies. 

“What did you do last night, you were awfully quiet.”

She knows. 

“I was just reading, mother. Books for this year. You know, I’m behind in transfiguation.”

Sirius’ mother looks at him, “Oh you are? Shame. Maybe you should spend more time studying instead of sneaking out.”

She says it so casually. Like it’s an every day conversation. Not like she just caught Sirius in the biggest lie he’s ever told. 

“Mother I—“

“Shut up.” She snaps and Regulus drops his fork. 

“You think I wouldn’t notice? Do you think I’m daft?” 

Sirius stops moving, stops breathing, stops looking anywhere but straight ahead. 

“Where are you sneaking off to now?”

Sirius doesn’t answer.

His mother slams her hand on the table causing the China to clatter and both boys to jump.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING!” 

Sirius starts to cry, “Just to the park! Down the road!” 

“LIAR.” She stands up now and tries to walk towards Sirius who falls out of his chair and scrambles to the doorway. 

“Tell me where you’re going!” His mother schreeches. 

“To the park! I told you!” Sirius sobs. 

“You’re lying!” 

Sirius is back on his feet, he runs to the staircase, his mother close behind, silver fork held threateningly in her hand. 

“I bet you went to go meet that Half-Blood boy again!” 

Sirius trips trying to walk up the stars and his mother grabs him by his hair, “You were!”

Sirius is hyperventilating now, all he can do is cry. 

“You’re an embarrassment!” His mother screams in his face, “How could you do this to our family name!”

“Do what!” Sirius fires back “Make friends who I’m not related to?”

His mother lets go of his hair and his head falls and hits one of the stairs. 

“How dare you speak to me like that.” She doesn’t scream it this time. It’s quiet. Stern. 

Sirius tries to crawl up the stairs away from her. She slowly follows, face turning red with anger. 

“How dare you lie to me in my own home.” 

Sirius can’t breathe, he tries to crawl away faster. 

“You don’t deserve to bear the name Black.”

Sirius has reached the top of the staircase now. He looks in his mother’s angry green eyes, mustering up every ounce of bravery left in his bones. 

“I don’t want it.”

She lunges forward, grabs his hair again and shoves him face first into the wall. Something in his nose cracks and blood starts to pour out of his nose. 

“HOW DARE YOU.” His mother screams as he falls to the floor. 

“YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BASTARD.” She tries to kick him and Sirius pushes himself out of the way. However, in doing so he pushes himself head over heels down the entire staircase. 

When he hits the bottom he can’t move, the pain in his side too much for him to bounce back from. Regulus is standing in the doorway to the dining room, staring in horror as Sirius bleeds all over the carpet. 

Suddenly the silver fork comes flying towards Sirius and lands just inches from his shaking hand. 

His mother stands at the top of the stairs. Silhouetted by the lights, he can’t see the anger in her face. Just her horrific shadow. 

“Blood traitor.” She says and Sirius doesn’t move. 

“Leave my house.”

Regulus finally runs to the staircase, stands in front of where Sirius is laying on the floor, “But, mother—“

“HE’S BETRAYED THE BLACK FAMILY.” She screams and Regulus takes a surprised step back, accidentally stepping on Sirius’ fingers. 

She walks down the stairs now. Calm and collected like the outburst hadn’t happened. 

When she reaches the bottom she looks at Sirius, crying, blood all over his shirt, with no remorse or pity. 

“He’s a blood traitor.”

She steps on Sirius on her way back to the dining room. She sits back down in her chair and continues to eat. Leaving Regulus standing helplessly over his sobbing brother. 

Sirius coughs, tries to sit up, the pain in his side causing his vision to go blurry for a moment. Regulus turns to help him stand up. 

“Regulus dear,” their mother calls from the dining room, “come finish your dinner.” 

Without a second thought Regulus drops his brother. Causing Sirius to stumble back and fall into the wall. 

“Yes mother.” Regulus says, walking back to the dining room without a second look at Sirius. 

Sirius sits on the floor, watches his brother sit back down at the table. They continue to eat like nothing ever happened. 

~

“I’m really not too worried.” 

Remus looks at Lily, her cheeks red, she was right, she really didn’t look worried. 

Remus sighs, “I know, but you don’t know Sirius like I do, he could be face down in the mud right now.”

Lily stops walking, looks at Remus in the dark of the hallway. Remus doesn’t look at her. 

She doesn’t say anything more like he expects her to. He can feel her eyes on him though, looking too far into him, too knowingly. 

Remus sighs, “Lily-“ 

“I’m going back to the dorm. They’re in the window over there.” She turns and starts to walk away.

“You’re not gonna help me?”

Lily doesn’t look back at him, “You’ll be fine.”

Remus stands there for a moment. Looks at the window Lily pointed at. She was right, he can see the shadow of someone sitting on the ledge. He sighs. 

He decides to walk over to the window and pull open the curtain slowly so not to scare Sirius. 

“Hey Moony.” Sirius beams, blinking his eyes slowly. 

He and Marlene are curled up together against the window, Marlene is asleep in his arms and Sirius looks just on the brink of passing out. Remus smiles. 

“Everything okay?” Remus asks. 

Sirius quietly laughs, “Yeah, you know, sharing horrible mother stories. Nothing better than that.” 

Remus sits on the ledge, “Do you feel better?”

Sirius blinks, looks at him, “No.”

Remus feels his gut twist. It’s always hard for Sirius to talk about his family and before this, Remus and James and Peter were the only ones who knew. 

Remus looks at Sirius in the soft moonlight. He looks so tired, finally noticing Sirius has been crying. He has the sudden overwhelming urge to hold him. Pull Sirius away from Marlene and hold him close to his chest. 

Instead he reaches the distance and rests his hand on Sirius’, “How much did you tell her?” 

“Everything.” Sirius’ voice breaks. 

Remus shushes him, “It’s okay. Let’s get you two back to bed okay?” 

Remus stands up and Sirius grabs his hand, “I don’t want to.” He’s crying again. 

“Sirius, you have to go to sleep, you’re exhausted.” Remus wants to cry too. 

“Please, I don’t want to be alone.” 

Remus stops for a moment. His heart aches wondering if he means he wants to stay with Marlene. The silence is deafening, just Sirius’ ragged breathing and Marlene’s soft snoring. 

“You can’t sleep here.” Remus finally says. 

“I don’t want to, I want to sleep with you.” Sirius whispers, “Please?”

A wave of relief goes through Remus’ body, he doesn’t know why. He nods, squeezes Sirius’ hand in his own.

“Of course you can.”

“You’re just so skinny it’s so easy.”

Remus laughs, “Don’t press your luck Padfoot.” 

Sirius lets go of Remus’ hand, moves it to Marlene’s hair and slowly pets it, “Wake up, love,” He says, “I need my other arm back.”

Marlene shifts, she makes a soft noise in her throat. Sirius pushes her forward just enough so he can pry his arm out from around her and she leans back against the wall. 

Sirius now free, opens and shuts his hand slowly, smiles softly at Remus, “We probably shouldn’t leave her here”

Remus was going to. 

“Are you okay to... “ Remus says instead. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius says, slowly standing up. 

He turns around, grabs Marlene around her waist and picks her up, struggling just a tiny bit. Like a tired child, Marlene wraps her arms and legs around Sirius and rests her head on his shoulder. 

Remus smiles at Sirius, it’s really adorable how much he cares. 

They make their way slowly back to the common room, quietly as to not wake Marlene too much and to not get caught being out so late. 

When they return back into the common room almost everyone is gone, back to bed or back to their houses. Lily is sitting in a chair, head in her hands. 

“Delivery,” Sirius mutters. 

Lily picks her head up and Sirius sets Marlene down on the couch. He lays her down with a pillow under her head and turns to Lily. She gives him a tired thumbs up and leans back in the chair, closing her eyes again. 

Remus walks over to Sirius, grabs his hand and pulls him up the stairs towards the boy’s dormitories. 

James is asleep, shirtless and sprawled out, tangled in his blankets. Peter is too although covered up properly and presumably in pjs. 

Sirius sits down on Remus’ bed, eyes far away, not quite looking at anything in particular in the dark. He gets like this, Remus just undresses himself and puts on a pair of pajamas. 

Remus then kneels down so he’s in front of Sirius, right in his line of sight, “Would you like to put on pajamas?” He whispers. 

Sirius blinks, tears start to swell up in his eyes. 

“You don’t have to.” Remus says calmly, “Let’s just get that shirt off okay? That’s not very comfortable.” 

Sirius nods and Remus pulls the t-shirt he’s wearing up over his head and tosses it somewhere he’ll find later. 

Like clockwork, Sirius lays down, covers himself up with Remus’ blankets while Remus crawls in to bed facing him. He expects Sirius to calm right down, but his eyes still dart around, looking from Remus to the door and back to Remus. Remus sets his hand in Sirius’ long hair and gently plays with it. He shuts his eyes and listens for Sirius’ breathing to calm down. 

It’s not weird anymore. After six years of Sirius having nightmares and panic attacks the line between them had blurred and Remus can be as affectionate with Sirius as he wants. Sirius never got any before so he can hold and touch and cuddle with Remus and never quite get enough. It’s usually in the dark, when Sirius is most scared and vulnerable, but Remus has been pushing it lately. Touching Sirius whenever he feels the need to, and Sirius has never objected. He never quite awknowleges it, never leans into it or brings attention to it. But he doesn’t argue and late at night in the dark he insists he loves it. 

Sirius’ breathing finally slows, and Remus opens his eyes again to find Sirius’ are closed. Remus breathes a sigh of relief, leans a little closer and kisses Sirius’ cheek before wrapping his arm around Sirius’ torso and drifting off to sleep himself. 

~ 

Sirius knew he’d dream about her tonight. 

This time he’s in the woods. Remus and James and Peter are walking on the path ahead of him laughing and playing with a snitch James stole. Sirius doesn’t feel right. 

“Sirius?” 

Sirius turns around to see who said his name. Marlene is standing behind him, she looks terrified, she has a black eye. 

Sirius just looks at her, and as he does she raises her hand up, points to something behind him. 

When Sirius turns around James and Peter are lying on the ground, between them stands his Mother, holding Remus by the hair. 

“Still with that half blood boy, Sirius dear?”

Sirius is frozen. He can’t move. 

“Oh? And who’s that? A half blood girl too?” 

Sirius looks behind him for Marlene, she’s not there and we he turns back his mother is holding her by the hair too. 

“You’re an embarrassment.” She hisses, “You’ve learned nothing.” 

She throws them both to the ground and Sirius wakes up with a gasp. 

“Woah!” Remus says grabbing Sirius’ arm, “Good morning.”

Sirius blinks, breathes heavy for a few seconds before registering that he’s okay. It’s morning. Remus is here. 

He turns around and tackles Remus back into the bed holding on to him as tight as he can. 

“Hey hey it’s okay Padfoot.” Remus says, slowly running his hand through Sirius’ hair. 

“You’re okay.”


End file.
